Whispers of Demons

You. Me. That person over there. Everybody has them. Demons that sit on our shoulders whispering their promise. Some tell stories of beauty and desire. Others whisper their doubt and hatred. We can’t see them. We can’t hear the whispers of others. You hear yours and I hear mine.

I know the names of my demons. The loudest is Anxiety. This little critter tells me how much you’re going to hate this post. How many mistakes you, the reader, are going to point out. It tells me to delete it, give up, I’m not worth it. The other demon that’s always leaning over Anxieties shoulder is Depression. These two always travel together. Their BFF’s and love playing off one another. When my thoughts give in to Anxieties whispers Depression is there hinting at how I’ll never make it in life. It’s okay to never leave the bed again.

My shoulder is a crowded place. Dyslexia, Impulsive, Hypochondriac, and People-Pleaser…to name a few of mine. Some days they all talk at once. My head would get clouded. Thoughts would jumble making me forget why I entered a room. I’d avoid the woman in the mirror just to keep them quiet. Other days they’d be silent or whisper one at a time. You’re demons and mine are different. They may have the same name but they are not the same creature. My Impulsive demon may make me spend all my money where yours keeps you going out to parties. My People-Pleaser might force me to make you happy by giving you everything you desire while yours makes you dress in all the top brands.

Don’t listen to that Worry demon. There is a way to quiet them. Take my hand. We can do this together. Brush off your shoulders. They will climb back up to whisper in your ear again and again. We’ll have each other, let’s brush them off again. Just as you listen to them I will listen to you. Maybe we can tire out the demons, quiet their voices. They won’t go away forever. Together we can learn to live with them. Make them a strength instead of a weakness. Dyslexia used to keep me from reading, knifed my writing, and added to Depression. The older I got, the wiser I became. I figured out that I would never truly snuff out my demons. I had to hold their hands and grow with them not against them. Find a healthy balance.

And here I am today. Perfectly imperfect. Living with demons that whisper doubts and insanities into my ears. I found my support system within my family and friends, and they found support in me. Together we grow stronger. We get louder. And, we’ve learned how to be happy.

*******

I made this post thinking about a family member who is struggling to grip their mental illness. I wish I could crawl up into her brain and rewire it for her. Or, reinstall her mind. I know those are not options I can give. I can, however, stand by her as she learns her brain. I can give her strength by listening. And, I hope as the time goes by she will find a way to balance herself the way I have. I know what I deal with day-by-day is nowhere close to what she deals with. But that’s okay. I’m here to listen. I’m not here to turn it into a challenge of who’s more mentally unstable. Even if our mental illness shared the same name, it wouldn’t be the same.
They’re never the same.

 

Wicked Soul Ascension 
Want a read that will get your heart pumping?
Available in paperback and eBook.

Link: Amazon
Link: Chapters
Link: Barns & Noble

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Adoption vs Library

Mark and I have a wonderful library in our upper living room filled with books from all genres. We love all our books enough to move them from Alberta to British Columbia. Boxes of books are heavy, and we had many. Half of our belongings are books. Our library is bigger than our combined wardrobe.

With that being said, we needed to figure out what we were going to do with all these books now that we have decided to adopt our future child. We also needed a space for our child to play…that space was best upstairs. Mark and I decided that the bedrooms should be kept for relaxing. Our child’s, possibly children, library, clothes, and the bed would be the main focus of their room. So, where would they play?

The best place to put the playspace would be in the main living room. This way they could play while Mark or I made dinner, did dishes or tidied up. The only problem was our beloved books dominated the space. With adoption, children that come into the home might act out in a way were things get destroyed. This was brought to our attention during our adoption education program. We took what we learned and place that logic into the upstairs of our home. Although we are still waiting for the home study to be started we have already begun reorganizing our home. The library was the top of the list of our concerns. We didn’t want the books to be mutilated and we also didn’t want to tell the child not to touch them. Over and over. We want our upstairs to be a place they could roam freely without always hearing no.

Mark and I ended up dismantling the bookshelves and putting them downstairs in the TV room. It’s only a band-aid until our child becomes more comfortable with us and with the home. When they are older we’ll be able to put the bookshelves back in our library. Until then we are still thinking of ways to make our home as comfortable as possible for our future child.

We have a YouTube channel devoted to our adoption journey.
Here is the link: Our Journey to Family 
The link to the post about the library: The Library. Adoption Home Study.
Second Library post liknk: Adoption Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

I can’t wait until I can share my love of stories with my child. The library I’ve created for them is filled with many types of books that are funny and fun. I plan to make storytime into a bonding moment for us as a family. Trips to the library and bookstores, ah, I can’t wait.

For The Love of Books

We’re at the six-month mark of 2018, hows your book pile? Have you added new books to the stack? Have read any of the books you wanted to this year?

My stack of books hasn’t gotten any bigger this year, thankfully. I’ve been trying to give the books in my neverending pile of to-be-read novels the attention they deserve. I’m quite proud to say that I have read one book a month. I’m about to pick up, The Vanishing Season by Jodi Lynn Anderson. I picked it up at Chapters in Victoria, BC, a few years back. Like all the other books waiting to have their spines cracked for the first time, this book has sat there longing to share its story. I normally get audiobooks from my library app so I can listen to a story while cleaning. I think it’s time to feel the rough texture of each page. Time to let my arms get cramped while holding the book up too long. My husband will forgive me if I ignore him for a few days. It might prompt him to reread Brent Weeks books before the new release comes out.

I was going over my Goodreads account while making this post to see how many books I’ve read this year. I know that there are people out there that can read six books a month, but I am me. A book a month is excellent for my capabilities. I know a few people that have Dyslexia that ignores all written word. Not this girl. No way. I love the adventures that authors set me out on. It’s like I can stick my head into another person’s mind to watch their dreams.
Yes, creepy, but that’s me.

What is the book on your to-be-read pile that keeps calling your name?
How many books do you read a month?

Goodreads link: C.B. Dixon

Wicked Soul Ascension 
Want a read that will get your heart pumping?
Available in print and eBook.

Link: Amazon
Link: Chapters
Link: Barns & Noble

Shattered Brain

My mind shattered into thousands of tiny pieces on the floor. The senses and motor functions were the only bits left attached to one another. It floated in a blank void before me. I stood there in wonder as I studied each fragment; reading, gardening, hikes, beach walks, family, friends, YouTube, writing, and other random bits of what I thought I enjoyed laid out beneath.

My brain stripped to its primal functions with nothing left to enjoy.

No longer did I feel like me.
No longer did I create.

The large piece that was made up of family and friends called to me. They made up the core of who I was. I picked them up and placed them onto the bare brain. They attached themselves without fuss. They knew that they belonged.

The next biggest fragment was writing. I held the piece in my hands feeling the energy that overflowed from deep within. I had enjoyed this craft long before any of the others. I loved and hated this desire. It was pain and hardship, also my greatest pleasure. It fit snug behind a family. With only the three chunks in place, my mind was almost put back together. I studied the other thousands that laid out on top of the floor.
How would I they all fit? Would they all fit?

A waft of fresh forest air filled my nose as the fragments of the outdoors beckoned me. Swimming, hiking, camping, gardening, and campfires all fit back nicely. All the fun outdoor activities I enjoyed as a child, teen, and adult would never be left behind. I’d always need them.

I plucked tiny fragments and collected them in my hands. Music, painting, knitting, and candle making… one by one I stuck them to the brain. One by one they fell back to the floor. Confused, I picked up my newest hobby, YouTube. I made a channel in hopes to share my experience of adoption with my family and friends. I’ve worked hard on it for a year with hopes to connect with other adoptive families. I placed it to the brain in hopes it would stick. I wanted it so badly to fuse like the others. It dropped heavy to the floor. I reached for it again. I pulled and tugged but the fragment would not lift. Anger heated my face as I kicked it. Even then, it remained in place.

Defeated, I deflated to the floor with my hands outstretched above me. The brain was far from complete. Why would it not go back together? What was I missing?

My hand slapped the floor beside me. Pain ripped up my hand as blood began to spill from it. I sat up to examine my stupidity. There in the palm of my hand was a small shard. When I pulled it out I noticed it was all the books I read as a child. Puzzled, I glanced at the pile my hand struck. YA, fiction, nonfiction, historical, Manga, and all the other books I had ever read were all clumped together in a messy heap. I sucked the wound while the other hand rested on the books. A large fragment formed under the touch creating a forgotten love of mine. Reading.

It fit perfectly on the front of the brain. That left a small sliver in the back and middle to be filled. I scavenged the shattered piece for what it might be… Tried fashion, carpentry, social media, fitness, and cooking. Nothing seemed to work.

My career was a bigger piece then I expected. Cracked and dulled. I used to be enthusiastic about my job. As time wore on, I wore out. I didn’t expect it to click into the middle as smoothly as it did. The dreariness faded into a vibrant joy once again as it absorbed the energy from my other passions. It was only then I realized that my job as an Early Childhood Educator used my other skills. My love for people, reading, the outdoors, and writing all had a purpose in my career.

A silver sliver caught my eye as I admired the livelihood of my mind. It belonged to my secret love. Mechanics.

My mind was complete. And yet, thousands of fragments remained. Heavy cloudy pieces. I had pulled my attention in too many directions. These were all causing me to lose focus on what I truly enjoyed. But, they were not a waste. All of them belonged in my experiences. I balled all of them up and tucked them into my past. Things I have tried but won’t bother lifting again.

This story is about my one o’clock in the morning realization. (Yes, it’s that early as I type this.) I’ve put too much on my shoulders. Too many expectations. I need to give my mind a break. I no longer want to be a Jack-of-All-Trades Master of None. I want writing to be my main goal. I long to master it. So, I’ve decided to buckle down on my true craft.

 

Wicked Soul Ascension 
Want a read that will get your heart pumping?
Available in print and eBook.

Link: Amazon
Link: Chapters
Link: Barns & Noble

 

The Creature Named Time

Time is the greatest enemy of life. I loved to do multiple things at once that seem to never get finished. I figured out that I’m a starter, not so much a finisher. I had to find a way to balance life with hobbies and interests. Work, play, and exercise had to be intertwined with family and friends. This was next to impossible due to the time I had every day.
I have made a post about this long ago. Since then, I feel that I have grown as a writer. I know the importance that time plays in creating a strong author platform. Not that I’m good at it though. I have been trying my best to better myself.

I have now created a schedule that works for my everyday life. Of course, this is a malleable week-by-week idea. Life is always growing and changing. Time is an unpredictable creature we all play with. I hope to please you all with this new outlook.

In the past I challenged time. I went into a head-to-head battle empty handed with a head full of ideas. I’d come out beaten and broken. A waste of time is irreversible. I wish that I could build a time machine to tell my younger self, “Do well with what you have now before it slips through your fingertips.”

Time is air.
Uncatchable with bare hands.
Time is water.
Always on the move.
Time is fire.
Once burned. Never the same.
Time is Earth.
Slowly aging.

So now, I embark on a new adventure in my pursuit of a better relationship with life. I chose to pick a task, complete it, and move on. The past is what we learn from. I shouldn’t dwell on the mistakes of my younger self. I will no longer long for a time machine that will send me back to educate that self I wished to be wiser. Without those experiences, I wouldn’t have grown into the person I am today.

Dear Time,
Let us walk hand-in-hand down this road called life. To learn. To grow. To imagine the future. For only you know what lays ahead.
Always yours,
C.B. Dixon

 

Wicked Soul Ascension 
Want a read that will get your heart pumping?
Available in print and eBook.

Link: Amazon
Link: Chapters
Link: Barns & Noble

Top Five Writers Resources

These are the top five writing resources I have found to be useful that benefit my craft.These are the top five writing resources I have found to be useful that benefit my craft.
1. Jenna Moreci
Jenna has a YouTube channel stocked with videos about writing. She is informative and entertaining to watch. I really enjoy her short, to the point, videos. They have helped me expand my abilities as a writer.

The link to her channel: Jenna Moreci
2. Canadian Writer Group
This group on Facebook is meant for Canadian writers. There are groups all over Facebook that writers can tap into. These groups have other writers that you can connect with to see how they’ve worked on their craft and author platform. It’s great to connect with people that share your passion.

The link: Canadian Writers
(Keep in mind this one is for Canadian writers only. If you are not from Canada find the group that is in your area.)
3. Pixabay
Pixabay is a stock photo website that allows you to download free photos. I use the images to spruce up my blog posts. Mostly all my featured images come from this site. I found it a lot easier to use than Shuttershock.

The link: Pixabay
4. Cavna
Cavana is a simple photo editer. I use it with the photos I pull from Pixabay. I use this site to create photos with words on top of the image. These images go on to my social media in the perfect size since Cavana offers templates for all the mainstream sites.

The link: Canva

 

Example

 

 

5. Writer’s Digest Magazine
I get this Magazine for free at my local library, but you can get the monthly subscription to come to your door. This magazine is stocked filled with the newest information about the field. It’s beneficial for you to know what is happening in the industry. There is always juicy info.

The link: Writer’s Digest
If you have any to add to this list please leave them in the comments below. I am always looking to expand my knowledge. I want to learn more about all the secrets that you writers have. Please share them with me!

 

Wicked Soul Ascension 
Want a read that will get your heart pumping?
Available in print and eBook.

Link: Amazon
Link: Chapters
Link: Barns & Noble

Audiobooks and Novels

Welcome to my first Random Fridays. It’s going to be a fun little blurb about my different experiences all book-related! I’m excited to get this rolling.

Audiobooks and Novels
I’ve done a blog post about how I fell in love with audiobooks a while ago. This post is going to be the pros and cons I have found with both. I love reading in all types of forms whether it’s reading the newspaper, blog, or book to listening to people read to me. Peoples abilities always amaze me.

Audiobooks

Pros:

• I can listen to a story while I clean the house, garden, shower, or drive. The hands-free experience makes chores and other tasks more enjoyable.
• The reader can pronounce the names, sometimes, and words I would have struggled with. This makes the story music to my ears.
• If the reader can switch between the characters voices the story becomes more real.

Cons:

• If I’m laying in bed I fall asleep…the story continues.
• Sometimes the story is captivating but the reader is meh… There are audiobook readers out there with voices I can’t stand.
• People don’t know your listening to a great story…and they start a conversation.

Novels

Pros:

• The physical copy! Oh, the smell… the weight! Nothing beats holding a book! I can also admire the beauty of the cover.
• Being able to read the words in written form helps me learn new words and grammar that I might not experience elsewhere.
• When I fall asleep I can wake up to continue where I left off.
  People fall asleep during movies, I fall asleep reading. It happens, kay…

Cons:

• While reading for a long stretch of time my arms hands sometimes get tired. The dreaded needle pricks in my fingertips.
• Life seems to always find a way to keep me from sitting on the couch to enjoy a good reading session.
• People don’t understand that when I have a book in my hands I don’t want to talk. Readers aren’t bored! They want to read! Come on people!
  I can’t be the only one that thinks this way…

These are some fun things that I’ve put together. I would love to hear what your list is for either audiobooks or/and novels. I read dark fiction and fantasy if you have any suggestions please leave them in the comments. I would love to find a new audiobook where the reader has a unique voice.

Wicked Soul Ascension 
Want a read that will get your heart pumping?
Available in print and eBook.