Author C. B. Dixon
Books. Life. Wonder.
Raw and Unedited
The following is what it looks like to write raw in 30 minutes. I haven’t been writing lately due to well, I guess you could say my motivation. I get these waves that completely wipe me out and I am unable to put words to a page. The waves have been getting shorter and I finally found someone who has been checking in on me. I don’t want to disappoint her, so here goes. 30 minutes of raw writing from someone who hasn’t written in over a year.
I hope that I don’t disappoint.
Ready… Timer set… GO!
People are disgusting. Humans are nothing but vermin, no, not even vermin. They are the less than spices of this planet. When you go to densely populated areas or even smaller communities you can smell their filth, you hear their racket, and you can see their distinction. Before there were humans the creatures of the Earth flourished in vast green forests with an abundance of life. In the age of now, there’s nothing but grey plumes of gases. The buildings are blackened by ash, and the water is thick and toxic.
The outside world is off limits now. There is no going into the fresh air. That would kill you in the most excruciating way possible. The air it’s self burns like fire. A toxic mix that will melt your flesh. If you step outside, you will not be allowed back into the institute for you will be marked as polluted. Once you breath in the air out there they say it will forever change you. Some die and others become something else. We don’t know what that else is for we never see the true sky. We see the screens that picture the world of before. The world that was not engulfed in flame. Did you know there were things that grew from black soil. Things that would bare food for us to eat? I longed to taste the fruit of the old world. The things we see in books and the stories that were passed down from the ancient ones. They were allowed outside. They did these things called swimming in the lakes and oceans. We do not dare touch the waters now. For we’ll fester and boil. We’ll become something else, something other than human.
Some nights you can hear the others calling. You can hear them in the older wings of the institute. They cry and they call. They are no longer intelligent as we are. They gurgle and moan from behind the walls. I have asked why we can’t help them. Why can we not change them back into humans? These questions are forbidden here. We do not judge what the institute tells us. We do not challenge the will of the institute. What has been written in the days of old are here to keep us alive. The institute keeps us fed, educated, and thriving. They give us the screens filled with the old world where trees existed and where we can see the blue sky twinkle in the day and shine at night. Even though I read in a book long ago that it was the other way around; we do not challenge the knowledge of the institute. We do not know what they do for they are the wise.
How is it that I know so much but they do not allow me to challenge their knowledge? Why do they make us read the books of old and yet they do not allow us to grow our own minds and personalities? I do not understand why we must live in a world where the institute is law. I heard from one of the elders that we are no longer a human race. That we have created the machine of our downfall. I told them of my dislike for humans. How I feel we are the cause of everything that has happened up until this point. Some have mentioned that the institute is not truly human but a human creation. That was hushed and that was not to be said and so… I was punished.
I was made to clean the windows of the old wings. I did not know that there were pods where one could see out into the true world. Were you could see the black smoky sky and the burnt piles of rubble. A small cliff of sharp jagged rock protruded out of the ground beside the institute. The institute was a gleaming white clear of dust and ash. It was smooth and rounded all over. It looked so other worldly against the vast jagged world of the outside.
I was to stare out into the true world and remind myself that those who misbehave will be banished. Those who challenge the ways will be outcast from the institute and made to live out there in the toxic wasteland. I feared this thought. I did not want to become one of those polluted humans. I liked my intelligence and the ability to use language. Even if it got me into trouble most of the time.
The outside world appeared to be a different kind of disgusting. I knew from my studies that it was us humans who did this without innovations. I tried to focus on my cloth as it wiped back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. I could not stop my eyes from straying to the outside and wonder what it would be like to step outside of the institute for a moment. Would the world be as toxic as they say? Would I become one of those polluted humans and loose all thought and reasoning?
And then, I saw one of them through the glass. They were running on the ashen ground without slippers on their feet. Their bare toes caused the ash to rise and fall with each step. The other being did not seem to mind the lethal air they breathed or the drizzle of acid rain upon their skin. Long red hair trailed in curls as they began to run and slide down a small cliff. And then, a black jagged monster erupted from the rocks behind them. It’s stoney hands clawed at the ground and gnashed it’s spikey mouth at the polluted human. Pebbles sprayed through the air and it struggled to catch it’s pray.
I screamed to warn them that the monster was right there. But the other being, the other human… knew. They understood that they were being pursued. They were aware what was occurring. This alone went against the institute’s teachings. The human ran towards one of the draft pipes and pressed it’s body up against it. The creature sniffed the pipe and howled a sound that made the glass beneath my fingertips vibrate. Then the beast turned around and sprinted in the opposite direction. The polluted human… smiled. Then appeared to… laugh. It was strange. How could something so outlandish, something so other than human, express such an emotion. It held it’s belly as if the monster wasn’t frightening at all and laughed and laughed. Could it be that the other human knew that the monster would hate the scent that shot out of the ventilation? If so, then it was able to plan an escape showing that it had intelligence.
I dropped my cloth and moved so I could watch the human walk towards the institute. They’re eyes moved up and down the walls as if looking for something specific. This human that should not be showing any signs that it was ever human in the first place but here it was thinking about what to do next. It was clearly looking for something. Clearly this polluted human still had thoughts because it was holding its chin pointing at the wall as if counting the panels. It just wasn’t possible. The institute would not believe me if I told them this. They would banish me for even considering it. Maybe there was a leak in the old wing and I was breathing toxic fumes. This had to be a hallucination! The other human strolled up to the wall of the old wing and pushed on a panel of the institute. The panel popped out and then the polluted human slipped into the crack and was now inside of the wall of the institute.
My heart hammered in my ears as I ran down the hall, around the corner, and into another corridor. This would have been the same space that the outside human entered the institute. I stood there in the center straining my ears to hear any movement. Any sound at all… and then, I heard it. I heard a small tune hum from the wall to the left of me. Before I could move a dusty, toxic scented, girl emerged from one of the vents.
“Oh,” she said in surprise, “No one ever uses this wing so I thought I would be able to make it my home for a while.” She put her finger to her lips and winked. “If you don’t tell anyone I am here, I will tell you all that I know of the outside world. It can be our secret.” She brushed her hair back over her shoulder and smiled a toothy smile, “They call me Nana.”
Finished.
I feel like it actually had some substance. I feel if I read it over I might begin to edit it, but, I think a peek over might help me improve in the future. Hm, not bad. Definitely an unedited piece of my work. How is it that I keep stepping away from writing? I feel so free when I do it! My friend tells me that he feels alive when he plays his instrument, and now I am wondering if this is what he means. I won’t post every one I do but I did want to document my start. I do read over my past posts and see a pattern there. I see the rise and fall of my motivation. And then, I always let life get in the way of things. Being an adult really has it’s effects when it comes to things like this. I guess that’s why musicians give up their instruments and artiest put down their brush. This is something that requires more thought.
Please let me know what you think of this blurb. Please keep in mind that I have not edited it or changed it in anyway. This was just a writing exercise to get me back in the game. A small push forward.
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Book Store
The Ascension Trilogy Book One
Wicked Soul Ascension
For Blaze Nemasa there is no escape from the nightmares that hunt her. Hope maybe the only one who can save Blaze’s human soul.
Demons lurking in the shadows are only myths, or that’s what Blaze’s parents told their adopted child before she fell asleep. That all changes when Blaze finds out the truth about her family which burned alive in a house fire on her third birthday. A book of Sin drags her deep into the underworld where Blaze learns the truth about her wicked nature.
For Sale on
Amazon.com Barns & Noble
Google Play Chapters/Indigo
(Graphic imagery and mature content)
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Renewed
I have been failing my no-buy year as well as tracking all my expenses. I can’t seem to say no to my brain’s big ideas. This leads me to take on more than I can chew. Keeping up with a no-buy year has been, well, extremely difficult but so very necessary. There was a great deal of progress made in the beginning. I was getting a savings built and I even had money in my bank account for later. I found the biggest downfall to my success was having a bank card in my wallet. I ended up putting my debit card away… only to swap it for my visa leading me to lose the progress I was making there. That was the biggest mistake I had made in my journey so far. Seems I have no ability to say no to certain items, mostly things such as coffee and easy foods.
I love I had put a reflection piece in the rules. I created for rule for this challenge so that when times like these happened I would be able to learn and grow from my mistakes. Where were my struggles? What went right? What can I do to improve my situation? I am only 4 months in. That’s not that bad. I may have flopped in February. Seriously flopped! I guess that’s why it’s called a challenge. Maybe one of the hardest challenges of my life alongside being a mom. I found as soon as I started spending money, I was tapping my card everywhere I went. This feels like one of those facepalm moments. After I slipped on my no-buy I began to let everything else go. My blog and writing, reading, and watching documentaries started fading out of my life until I found myself mindlessly scrolling through Facebook… not absorbing a thing. I know I’ve hit my mental rock bottom when I do the mindless scroll. It’s a tricky thing to keep myself accountable. I have a list of excuses long enough to rival the largest novel. And yet, here I am writing again about the thing that caused me to slip. This seems to be my pattern with everything in my progression. Yet, each gap seems to get relatively smaller and easier to break out of. The practice has made me become able to recognize the symptoms that lead to my downfall. Yes, symptoms. Overwhelmed, anxious, self-doubt, and even physical symptoms such as not eating or drinking too much coffee, jitters (could be the uptake in coffee), and a hard time sleeping. There have been times that I work or stress in my dreams about the simplest things like pumping gas.
Do you have a mental rock bottom?
A place that you sink into when everything else becomes overwhelming. A place where inspiration cannot reach?
There is so much I would love to do with my life. I want to be an attentive mother, to finish my Soul Ascension Trilogy, I want to have a balanced bank account, and a life filled with wondrous memories. Still, I have had such a hard time lately holding on to one thing too long. I pick something up just to see if another thing is lacking. My habit-forming isn’t strong apparently.
Still, I am here. I am writing this again. The break this time was only a month-ish. It was on and off over the past while. When normally it could have been years. I do want to break this habit of being overwhelmed and tired. I want to bring forth the joy I once felt towards all the things I cherished and loved doing. I picked up a book for the first time in forever.
Do you feel this way?
Defeated?
Deflated?
Getting back to this no buy year has been a good feeling. It’s given me something to come back too. A task that I want to accomplish that doesn’t take up much of my time. If you think about it, if I am not shopping, it’s giving me more time to do the things I enjoy and love.
How is your year been?
Did this post make you think about things in your life?
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Pressure
Pressure is a heavy word. The middle whispers like a ball with a hole just the right size to let out an irritating hiss. The more weight added and the worse it gets.
So why do we apply this word to our own lives?
Maybe we’re striving for more?
Maybe we feel the harder we press the fulfilment will be that much more?
When I was a child, I would make friends with the trees. I would watch as the clouds drifted across a colourful sky as it faded to black. The stars and the moon spoke to me. Sang songs of secrets that echoed from beyond. I long to hear the voices again. Hear the tales they would tell of things I did not know. The wind carried my tales back to them as the Earth added its legends to the spreading conversation. They’re the reason I write. The song of nature is the reason I fell in love with our world. From the moment my eyes opened I could hear the tune. Dance to the beat. Clap with the thunder. Spin with the tornado. The natural world welcomed me with an open heart as it does to every one of us. Our hearts only need to be open to its majesty. Our minds need to be willing to accept what it does not yet understand. And then the universe will fill you full of secrets that it has longed to share. These voices started my love and sparked the wonder of my inner self. I have strayed far. Far enough that my world seems to have lost the mystical glow. Drowned by grey and seemingly lifeless.
Could this be the side effect of the ever-heavy pressure of more? Or pressure that I am to find my one true purpose? Or is it because I closed my eyes and plugged my ears? How did I become so numb that even the wind’s gentle caress against my skin became nothing more than an annoyance?
How could did the heavy weight of life deflate me to a point of hopelessness?
When did I get a hole? Is there more than one?
Is life really that sharp?
The truth is. All I need to do is drop my hands from my ears, tilt my head up, and open my eyes. Feel the warmth of the sun as melts the world into a fantastical explosion of colour.
So,
All I must do now,
Is let go.
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Plugged In
I have all these ideas that need to be placed somewhere outside of the pink mass between my ears. They rush into my mental space to frolic around with their intricate arms in a wild dance. They would spin as they promise bold adventure. A promise of a dark world filled with monsters and epic battles of magic with a bloody clash of steel. And then, in a blink, the idea would fade as I put my fingers to the keyboard to release it into the world.
I do wonder about things I can never know. These ideas must come up into other people’s thoughts. A flash of epic creativity that was meant only for them. These ideas that other people create must be quite strange and implausible. I always thought a computer that could link into dreams, even daydreams, could be the next form of our entertainment. Think of how intense it would be to live another person’s nightmare. You would feel the chill in the room brush against your skin. Your ears would twitch as you hear every creak in the house. Your anxious eyes dart around as you slap the walls begging the light switch to appear. The groan from the adjacent room gargled as a heavy thud lifts the floor beneath you. A shudder shakes your body as your eyes search the darkened room to find two ghastly figures tucked into the corner. Their murky hollow eyes thin before they lunge forward with a screech that pierces the air.
Oh, the thrill of it.
And yet, it would be terrifying in another way. What if the machine broke? This computer that is pumping this simulation into your brain… just gets a glitch. The technical support would say, “Oh, it’s nothing. Happens all the time.” And there you are on the phone watching your friend or family member still attached to this failed appliance flail about the floor. “Don’t unplug them. I will talk you through the restart,” the tech says as you hold the cord in your hand that was happily plugged into the wall. “I see, you already unplugged them. I am going to assume that you didn’t read the manual. Or did you?” You fill the tech in with a monologue that suggests that people never read the damn two-thousand-page book that comes with every machine. “Ah, well since you didn’t read it. I will let you know that your friend will have to stay alive in the dreamscape. I have dispatched an ambulance for you. If they die inside the reenactment then they might experience some physical harm. Even if we safely reboot them, they must be seen by a medical professional immediately. I will go over everything else later. Let’s restart the machine and go from there.”
Why did I talk them into getting plugged in? If they die…would it be manslaughter?
See, things like the above would be awesome and not awesome. They have their place in our ideas and should stay as imagination. I have drawn pictures of what this computer would look like. It would be like VR in most ways but attach to the nervous system to give real feed back. It would also be a downloaded copy of a real persons dream or a downloaded copy of your very own dream. Wouldn’t it be amazing to be able to watch your dreams? I have written a small schematic on how it would be possible. Scientists have been able to turn off the body’s stillness in sleep to have animals sleepwalk. I am unsure if we have the technology at the moment to have a video representation of our own or another person’s dream/nightmare. I do see this being discussed before I die of old age. We are not that far off when it comes to how fast our technology is advancing.
(I am both appalled and fascinated by this study. I will not link it, but you can find it on YouTube if you are interested. It is an incredibly sad and hard to watch study.)
The ideas that come to mind are not always ones that I would share in a polite conversation. If anyone has read my book Wicked Soul Ascension knows, the light is always dimmed in my brain. I see monsters and schemes everywhere. Every activity I do could be twisted into a scene in one of my books. I love to think that there is a little thrill fan in each one of us. One that believes that turning the lights on at night might not be the best answer when we are afraid. Think about it… do you really want to see the face of our monster? Are you ready to face it?
What are some of the bizarre ideas you have? Have you ever thought about having a digital copy of your dreams? Let me know in the comments.
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My Tech-Eco Life
Alongside my financial goals, I have been thinking about my eco-footprint. I have thought about these things over many years. I have always enjoyed bringing my love of tech to helping the natural world. I have been using Ecosia for a while now and love it. I have added a link below to a great video that gives great insight to the question, Is Ecosia legit? I am always interested in making the things I use work for me. Whether it is me building points over using shopping apps or using a search engine that takes something that I use often to plant trees. I also use an app called Forest that I can use points to plant real trees. I use that app as a timer for my tasks to keep me focused. It helps my ADHD mind. I can look down and, oh yeah, ten more minutes then I can move on.
The human mind can be an inventive master. We can create things that both destroy and create. We are also thinking of wonderful ways to fix our mistakes. It’s going to take each one of us to do something for things to change. Slowly, oh so very slowly, we have been putting our heads together. So I will continue to use the apps that have the added eco bonus. I do wish to find more. I do love technology in my life, I know kind of counterproductive, I do tend to buy used or I buy generation knew. The reason for the new is due to my usage of tech. I use it until I can no longer use it. My last laptop couldn’t be used or resold due to the fact… the updates took up more room on the computer than space allowed. And that is after a factory reset! Yeah, she is old. Currently, it’s a house radio. If the laptop does web searches and plays Spotify, it will have a spot in this house.
Apps are interesting to me. I am still skeptical about Forest. It lets you plant 5 real-world trees. It is partnered with Trees for the Future. This partner has a platinum seal of transparency along with other badges of legitimacy. I will use this app until I plant my 5 real trees. Then if I find another app that I get the same type of benefits I will make the switch. For now, this one is beautiful, easy, and perfect for what I am looking for in a productivity timer.
These are two simple ways I have been putting my tech to work for me. I get trees planted for things that I already use. I am simplifying my life, so I am using what I have, and I use it until it is unusable. I buy used, recycle, and when I buy new, I buy it in a way that it will last me until the end of its life. I have also been trying to use my laptop over notebooks. I love the scratch of a pen, I love the crackle of a new spine, but notebooks and novels have been contributing to the ‘stuff pandemic.’ I won’t stop buying novels. Especially from an author, I love or personally know. These novels I buy are always passed on to the next reader with a note to tell that person to pass it on. This way local, friends or small-time authors get seen by other readers for free. My hope is that the person who read it and liked it will buy the book from the author in turn. This is all small-scale thoughts and actions. It makes a huge impact if you think of it this way; 2 dollars adds up if you spend it daily. It’s a small, very small, way I can help. I do love that I barely even noticed the change.
Do you have any eco apps that you use? Do you use Ecosia or Forest?
I would love to learn more about things that are out there I can use to help better the future. Let me know in the comments what you or your friend uses. I am always open to learning something new.
Ecosia:
Is it Legit?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1AVgbI_1r0
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Clutter Everywhere I Look
Have you ever opened a drawer and grimaced? A thought might have gone like this, “I will deal with this later.” You grabbed what you needed after 5 or so minutes of sifting through junk. The drawer is then closed and forgotten. That is until you need something else, and you think, “hm, it might be in there…”
I do this often. Far too often. And it’s not just with a drawer. My phone is loaded with apps. My Spotify with random music and playlists. Even my Facebook has people that I said, “Hey, we should hang out next time I am in town.” And, then I never do.”
Clutter is everywhere in our lives. Even in the places, we don’t consider. I know that my Spotify is full of songs, playlists, and randomness that I do not enjoy. Over the past week or so I have been listening to playlists and new music to spruce up my music. I love Spotify over other music apps due to its diversity. Even though I … well, I am not so musically diverse. I like my 90’s one-hit wonders. The nostalgic Big Shiny Tunes just hit me in the old-time feels.
I am going to go into my Spotify right now and delete playlists and artists. I will set a timer to see how long it takes me to do. This will not include songs.
Ready…
Set…
Timer On!
30 minutes later I have deleted over half of my playlists and merged three tiny playlists into the others. Some of the playlists only had one song. A lot of it was thrown together due to being out on the run listening to a new song I needed to place somewhere but was unsure of where it fits. So, hypothetically, I threw it into a drawer and forgot about it.
Isn’t that how it goes with many things we bring into our lives. We go shopping and get something we think we need, just to find it years later without using it once. Life is so much like that it hurts. We get all these bobbles and whatchamacallits just to stash them away in someplace never to be remembered again. Life is full of these cluttered spaces.
Clearing the clutter.
I am on the journey to save money. I want to build a savings account that 70-year-old me will be proud of and happy with. One that I can live a decent life on. With that, I am looking at the space around me. What do I spend the most money on? Do I need these things? Most importantly, are they taking up my time? I do want to get my writing to be taking up my free time. That precious time I get to myself when my son is asleep. I see knickknacks and decor things that I like-ish. The answer, ‘yes!’ I can live without it and it’s taking up my time. I do have to clean it, dust it, or use a special cleaner on it. On to Facebook Market Place, it goes. With the title ‘Give me an offer!’ That line has made me more money than I thought it was worth. I was going to put it up for $2 but you offer me $5. Thank you so much! You are helping me move forward with my goal of debt-free, savings, emergency funds! To the person who bought anything from me, I wish you happiness and a fulfilled life. Now not only do I have five dollars more to go, but I also no longer have that item taking up time and space. On top of that, it didn’t go to the landfill. It has a new life where it will be loved. Feeding into my new eco-lifestyle. Wonderful. Did it take time to sell that item? Yes. Did I hate every minute of it? Yes. Was it worth it? Yes. In the past few months, I have made two hundred dollars. I have emptied our kitchen and closets. When the warmer months come, I will tackle the huge project of the storage unit. Another place that is gobbling up money. I most likely will do a whole post on why I will be keeping the unit. Yet, I will be cleaning most of it out.
Off to the thrift store!
I post things for a while before it makes their way to the thrift store. I have noticed a decline in quality things at our thrift store since Facebook opened Market Place. I go on the rule; If it doesn’t sell in a week. Then it was meant to help the thrift store. I drop off at the thrift store that gives back to the hospital or women’s shelters. Doing my best to keep the money here in town to help the local people and the economy. Along with decluttering, I have been trying to keep my mind close to home. Help close to home first and then outwards.
This all seems like such a task. Going in and finding each item that means something to our home. We have so many things that it’s hard to tell what has been used and what needs to move on. This belief has made its way into my shopping. I will only buy the items I know I need and not buy them because I think I need them. This has helped me build my finances up. It’s strange. Because before, $2 coffee seemed like nothing last year. I would buy the smallest coffee and get a free refill over buying one that I could drink through the whole time sitting at the shop. Now I think about how that $2 could be spent on something else.
This new mindset of what comes into our home has freed up much of my time for other things. The next thing I wish to clean up is links to the first post I made. I have to clean up my social media. I will think about what I use and delete what is no longer worthy of my time. Sorry, Facebook but you and I have an unhealthy relationship. Other arrangements might have to be made.
Thank you for reading all of this. I hope that you all are doing well and thinking about your time and money a little differently. It’s been interesting to be in a healthier relationship with my life. Thinking about myself as a person like I would a friend or family member. Before I always put myself last. Lately, I have been feeling less stressed about life, my home, and the experiences I encounter. I hope you all have a wonderful evening. See you next time.
This is all from my own experience and opinion I am not offering any professional advice.
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Money, Time, and Me.
Let’s get it out in the open, I am not great with money or finances. It’s not rocket science to save money, budget, and do all that fun money strategies. I have gotten into spending money due to many things that are never a good excuse. I love spending money on other people like my husband, son, or other close family members. If they say they need something I will typically get it for them if they say they can’t at that moment. If a friend is with me, I will buy them coffee or lunch, because… why not? It’s a nice thing to do. I feel that I have an endless supply until… well until I don’t.
It’s always a funny feeling seeing a zero balance. Or, worse a negative balance. I do always have my bills paid and food in the fridge. I don’t have a savings or emergency fund. I am starting to see a pattern in my life. Not just with money. With writing, hobbies, and projects. I am great at starting them. I get this gran hype going, watch all the YouTube videos and do all the research. I learned why you should have savings, that you should save 10% of your income to retire with. There’s a reason to have an emergency fund besides this, what if you or your spouse get sick? How about if the car breaks down? Are you prepared for anything?
These are all great points and any of you that have been attached to this blog know now that I have cycles of productivity and seer avoidance. I wished to break that cycle. I didn’t know how. I didn’t have the discipline to go through the change. Breaking habits and cycles are not something that happens easily or overnight. For some people attempting to break a cycle becomes its own habit. This is where I fall. It is a habit for me to break habits. It is now part of who I am at this moment.
It doesn’t have to be that way for the future. It doesn’t have to be who I am for the rest of my life. I have tried to become more productive and more meaningful with my time over the past three years. And, I have noticed that a few of the ideas have stuck with me. I buy more locally, I think about my food waste and eco-footprint, I do hold onto something and wonder ‘do I need this item in my life?’ and I get rid of thing from my home that doesn’t get used. So, if these small habits have already formed then I know that all that I have been trying to do over the past few years has made an impact on my life. I feel that not all that I did to better myself as an individual, citizen, and child of Earth had not all been a total waste of my time.
What does this all have to do with the money? How do I use money and feel about money?
Money is time. You spend time in trade for money. A relationship with money is a relationship with time. If I blow time like I do money and vise versa then that leads into all other aspects of life. I have found through reflection that I have the same careless thoughts about quite a few things in life. I will spend time on other people but not on myself. I will spend money on other people but not myself. I will give a listening ear to other people but not myself. I will help others with their projects but not my own.
I think you get it.
I must focus on myself. Not in a selfish way. I will still spend money/time/attention on others. Yet, I must put myself into the equation too. If I give this, what will be taken away from me. Will I have enough money for gas for the week if I buy this meal? If I give this hour to help a friend do this project, will I have enough energy to get what I need to be done?
I am a fairly giving person. I love putting a smile on other people’s faces. So, maybe instead I will offer trades. Yes, I can help you clean your house. Then after dinner let’s go to my place and put on some good tunes to power clean mine. Instead of going to the restaurant let’s do a potluck. You bring a few things and I will provide a few things.
Saying no isn’t an absolute thing. There can be a compromise. Even a conversation about what I am doing with my time and money can explain why I want to do things differently in the future. Things in life are not absolute. We all learn from ourselves, each other, and the combination of both. My struggle could easily be parallel with the person I am talking to. What I have learned could easily help another.
In conclusion to this ramble and thank you for making it this far. I have decided that I am not going to be hard on myself for my failings. Making mistakes and falling off the path is only a lesson meant to be learned from. I have now written a few blog posts over my lack of doing them at all last year. I longed to write words down. To clean up my finances. To declutter my life. I wanted so much to get back on track and enjoy the time that I had. I did enjoy my time with family, friends, and both. I did however forget to do the things I loved. Writing, hiking, and having a coffee with a good book. In another blog post, I will be discussing the things that have gotten in the way of doing the things I love to do along with where my mindset was at. I feel so much better each time I write one of these. I hope that this helped you if you felt that you were just failing at all the things you were working on. I wish that this will encourage people to move past, learn, and keep going through those mistakes. Each step is not the same as the last. As you move forward the terrain becomes different. You might slip. You will succeed. All of you are worthy of happiness and you are all worthy of love. Love yourselves even if it’s a small love. Feel it and let it bloom.
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First Ever No Buy Year 2022
I am a mindless spender and yet an over-thinker spender. It really comes down to two problems; I like to shop and I love to be frugal. It’s been a huge problem for me for many years. I get this thought in my head that I have to have something. This thought becomes over powering to the point where it almost hurts. Then I get this grandiose excuse that leads me to buy whatever it is I want.
As I was scouring YouTube one day I came across these No Buy Year videos. In short the person cuts the nonessential and keeps all the fixed expenses such as rent and hydro bills. Things like food and gas get limited to a comfortable living. A budget is created to be followed religiously.
This seemed to be the perfect kick in the ass I needed to finally get a handle on my mindless spending. I know that mistakes are going to happen. I also might have to readjust my budget to fit my ever changing life. I want to do this as a habit breaker. When Covid hit in March 2020 I didn’t spend a cent on things that were nonessential. I know that it is possible. I can still have a wonderful productive life without all the extra random shit that I only use a few times. I get this thought in my head that this magical item will fix all my problems. It will help me be more productive and I will finally get all the things done that I needed too! And yet I find that item years later wondering how it came to be in my home.
Here are my rule for my first ever No Buy Year:
1. Buy essentials; food, gas, bills, needed items for son as he grows.
2. Medical trips; housing, food, and other essentials that correspond with the trip.
3. Medical; physical, vitamins, and medication can be bought within reason.
4. Use what I have first before getting a refill.
5. Repairs on the house or car will come; Keeping things up to date and healthy.
6. Budget. Budget. Budget! Track everything.
7. Manage subscriptions. Get rid of the ones that I no longer use. Don’t get anymore.
8. Give monthly allowance for clothing and outings.
9. Money from things sold will be put into the allowance for the month.
10. Reflect every month about the month. Learn from mistakes and celebrate successes.
It is a simple list of rules that I can work my first year around. If I do decide to do this another year I will use this list as a blueprint. I will also have my reflections to help guide me into my next month, next quarter, and even my next year. I am hoping with fewer things added to my life I will be able to focus more on what I already have. I have so much stuff. There is no reason for me to need or want anything extra.
I go more into this in my YouTube video; First No Buy Rules.
Have you ever attempted or heard of a No Buy Year?
What are your thoughts about only spending on the essentials?
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Taught to Save By a Cat
Over the past two years, I have been writing things that didn’t feed the masses. I wrote silent notes in my journal as I tried to find a place in my heart to write without my Taz. She was always at my side when I worked on any type of craft. It not a page would not be written without the sound of her purr or the screen being pushed down by her teeth as she gnawed the corner of the screen. Her actions would be heart-wrenching adorable and other times painfully irritating. I loved that fuzzy furball. She was the best writing partner a girl could ever ask for. In photos on my Instagram, she could be seen being a great distraction with her solid personality and spirit. Her markings were ever-changing with the seasons; in the fall she would even get more orange as Halloween rolled near.
A story that caused me extreme pain. A small action by Taz almost killed Wicked Soul Ascension.
The manuscript was near its complete. The editor sat in wait as I did one last read-through before the story would be read for the first time by a professional. Taz rounded the computer being her mischievous self. She pur-meowed at me twice before pouncing all over the computer hitting the ctrl-A sequence… along with an extreme number of letters following before I scooped her heavy butt off the keys. I wondered if I could hit ctrl – Z enough times to get it back. The page was half-filled with the letter D along with a random assortment of other characters. My heart stopped. Beads formed on the lids of my eyes and were smudged into my glasses as a huge furry head bashed into them. Taz rubbed her head down my face as somersaulted down my chest, her tail smacked me in my face as she pur-meowed again.
See that human? Do you see all the help I helped? I did a good job. I know I helped. Look you stopped moving I did such a good job. Here has a head hug. Thwap! You’re such a good human.
Let me tell you. The simple way did not bring back the book. I had to go from my last save point and reread everything that I had put together. She taught me the importance of a great save. I also now have three backup files to one finished book that I rotate through just in case a mistake like that happens.
Thank you, Taz, for such a wonderful lesson.
You are forever missed.
Taz passed away at the age of 18 in 2020.
Author C. B. Dixon 