Renewed

I have been failing my no-buy year as well as tracking all my expenses. I can’t seem to say no to my brain’s big ideas. This leads me to take on more than I can chew. Keeping up with a no-buy year has been, well, extremely difficult but so very necessary. There was a great deal of progress made in the beginning. I was getting a savings built and I even had money in my bank account for later. I found the biggest downfall to my success was having a bank card in my wallet. I ended up putting my debit card away… only to swap it for my visa leading me to lose the progress I was making there. That was the biggest mistake I had made in my journey so far. Seems I have no ability to say no to certain items, mostly things such as coffee and easy foods.

I love I had put a reflection piece in the rules. I created for rule for this challenge so that when times like these happened I would be able to learn and grow from my mistakes. Where were my struggles? What went right? What can I do to improve my situation? I am only 4 months in. That’s not that bad. I may have flopped in February. Seriously flopped! I guess that’s why it’s called a challenge. Maybe one of the hardest challenges of my life alongside being a mom. I found as soon as I started spending money, I was tapping my card everywhere I went. This feels like one of those facepalm moments. After I slipped on my no-buy I began to let everything else go. My blog and writing, reading, and watching documentaries started fading out of my life until I found myself mindlessly scrolling through Facebook… not absorbing a thing. I know I’ve hit my mental rock bottom when I do the mindless scroll. It’s a tricky thing to keep myself accountable. I have a list of excuses long enough to rival the largest novel. And yet, here I am writing again about the thing that caused me to slip. This seems to be my pattern with everything in my progression. Yet, each gap seems to get relatively smaller and easier to break out of. The practice has made me become able to recognize the symptoms that lead to my downfall. Yes, symptoms. Overwhelmed, anxious, self-doubt, and even physical symptoms such as not eating or drinking too much coffee, jitters (could be the uptake in coffee), and a hard time sleeping. There have been times that I work or stress in my dreams about the simplest things like pumping gas.

Do you have a mental rock bottom?
A place that you sink into when everything else becomes overwhelming. A place where inspiration cannot reach?

There is so much I would love to do with my life. I want to be an attentive mother, to finish my Soul Ascension Trilogy, I want to have a balanced bank account, and a life filled with wondrous memories. Still, I have had such a hard time lately holding on to one thing too long. I pick something up just to see if another thing is lacking. My habit-forming isn’t strong apparently.

Still, I am here. I am writing this again. The break this time was only a month-ish. It was on and off over the past while. When normally it could have been years. I do want to break this habit of being overwhelmed and tired. I want to bring forth the joy I once felt towards all the things I cherished and loved doing. I picked up a book for the first time in forever.

Do you feel this way?
Defeated?
Deflated?

Getting back to this no buy year has been a good feeling. It’s given me something to come back too. A task that I want to accomplish that doesn’t take up much of my time. If you think about it, if I am not shopping, it’s giving me more time to do the things I enjoy and love.

How is your year been?
Did this post make you think about things in your life?

2 Comments on “Renewed

  1. Sometimes these backsteps help us realise who we really are, and that allows us to make adjustments to keep our goals going. So perhaps this was exactly what you needed. Wishing you all the best with your constant journey to your goals!

    • Very true. I needed this boost to find out how much I really wanted to do this. To see how important controlling my spending really is to me. And, not just in the form of money, but also in time too.

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