In the journey of modern life, I have come relaxed and unmotivated. I used to wake up with the drive to move through the days wanting the enjoyment of accomplishment. I have fallen into the ever-so begging trap of the scroll. The mental drive that I once had needed to be sent to the mechanic. When I got the quote the person on the other end told me to get off my lazy ass. It was up to me to keep the engine running. The habits I had created all those years ago had become rusted, broken, and forgotten. I have taken to minimizing my life; feel the item… “does it bring me joy crap!” As I was doing this, I recognized that at the same time I stopped writing… I also started collecting junk. I am a huge advocate for mental health. Lately, I have needed to go out and seek professional help and I suggest everyone does a check-in with a mind doctor every so often. It feels great to get everything out in the open. Back on track now, I had always known that writing was what I needed. It was the oil to my engine. The gas in my tank that had once helped me get out of bed in the morning. My family is a special gift that I hold dear in my heart but writing is the power behind my wheel. It gives me something other than being a wife and mother. It gives me a sense of being that is more than what I am in our home. A purpose.
I have stumbled and tripped over this over the past few years. This is not the first time I have come to this conclusion. It happens every time I am ready to get off the floor and do something with my life. I have tried to break from what I am and who I truly want to be. It is hard for me to do what I do. I do not understand the rules of grammar. I struggle with the placement of letters in a word. And yet here I am again. Here I am letting it flow out of me like saddened happy tears streaming from my eyes. A depressed and excited feeling that is thawing my soul. Each word has its own ray of warm sunshine that heated my core. I am alive. This is what I am meant to be. This is where I need to be.
How do you always walk away just to come back to say you’re sorry?
I don’t know. My mind gets so overwhelmed that I physically run. Here I am, writing the same thing over once again. I Should have never left. I should have never tried to be something else. Distractions called to me, and I let them take over my mind. I let my hands get busy on some other project that I couldn’t give my all to.
Where have you been all this time?
With my health aside, I have become a mommy. My son, almost two, and his toddler-ttitude. He is witty and clever, and he knows what he likes. His two years of life have astounded me. I can’t believe that this little character is my baby. He has filled my every moment with joy. Now that he is getting older, I have realized that he does what he likes. His passion for each of his projects has opened my eyes. It was my turn to become enthusiastic about my projects again. His love of stories got me reading again. Books. Oh, how he loves his books. Half of his room is a bookshelf filled with books. He will sit in his room with stacks all around him as he turns the one in his hand page by page. Who knows if maybe he will want to be a writer one day? He already tells the most fascinating of tales. It will be up to him when the time comes right now we enjoy the play and excitement of toddlerhood.
Plans for the future?
Finally, get book two out, and book three of the Soul Ascension series done. The second book is already written and book three already has its blueprint all drawn/written up. It’s time to get cracking. It’s time to get motivated. I plan to get back into posting on the blog while kicking my Instagram back into motion. I need to revamp my social media. That was one of the things that overwhelmed me the most. I branched out too far with my social media profiles and I lost track of what I was supposed to be doing… writing! So, just as I am doing in my house, I am going to minimize my social media accounts, so I don’t get overloaded with posting here and there. That is until I get my groove. Then I might reassess. First, I need to get back to the basics. Get my foundation formed and sturdy so I can build my castle on something that won’t crumble.
Take one thing at a time. Build from the basics. Move forward from there.
Let me know in the comments. Have you ever experienced slips in your life where you found yourself far from the passions?